Si Comel Mama

Kenangan dengan abah..

2011-06-23T15:50:00.000-07:00

Saya baru kehilangan seorang abah, satu-satunya ayah mertua saya di dunia ini...abah Ayob bin Zainal. Abah kembali ke rahmatullah pada 12.6.2011, ketika kami sekeluarga masih berada di bumi New Zealand. Saat saya mendengar khabar berita pemergian abah, saya menangis sendiri, dan perasaan rindukan abah datang tanpa diundang, sama seperti rindunya saya pada Allahyarham emak, emak Supiah Binti Sario. Satu persatu wajah dan gambaran abah singgah di ingatan saya bersama kenangan interaksi saya bersama abah.

Sebenarnya tak begitu lama saya sempat menjadi anak menantu abah yg kedua. Hanya lebih kurang 3 tahun. Tapi cukup untuk saya merasa kasih sayang abah. Saya tak akan pernah lupa abah memasakkan dengan kedua tangannya sendiri lauk favorite saya, iaitu sardin, setiap kali saya balik ke rumah mereka. Memang sardin masakan abah sangat sedap. Dan saya masih ingat, saya cakap kat abah yang saya teringin nak makan manggis, dan tak lama kemudian abah pulang ke rumah dengan seplastik buah manggis.

Abah juga akan kecoh apabila buah jambu air depan rumahnya masak ranum, sebab dia tahu anak menantunya yang sorang ni sangat suka makan buah jambu. Dan saya masih ingat dan sangat ingat, ada satu waktu, terdapat sebuah kedai bubble tea di Giant Senawang...saya cakap yang air bubble tea ni memang favorite saya...tau-tau je abah dah balik rumah dengan beberapa bungkus air buble tea..satu untuk emak, satu untuk abah, dan satu untuk saya!

Malah abah pernah bertanya saya, ketika itu saya sedang makan dan abah duduk di kerusi favoritenya... dan saya takkan lupa kata-kata abah...”ape lagi yang ekau teringin nak makan, umi?” Saya terharu, dan saya tahu..abah sedang cuba menggembirakan anaknya ini. Masa tu saya jawab, saya teringin nak makan kupang, dan memang betul esoknya abah balik ke rumah membawa seplastik kupang.

Saya tahu, abah sayang saya.

Abah juga ramah dengan saya. Kalau saya balik kampung, ada saja yang dia borakkan dengan saya. Abah gemar bertanya tentang study saya, pengalaman saya belajar di US, tentang kerja saya... walaupun saya selalu mendengar cerita yang abah seorang yang sangat garang, tapi sepanjang saya mengenali abah, tak pernah abah bersikap garang walaupun sepanjang dua bulan saya berpantang di rumah mereka. Abah sentiasa berborak dengan saya dengan nada yang ramah, tak pernah memarahi atau meninggikan suaranya sehingga saya hampir susah untuk percaya yang abah seorang yang garang.

Pada saya, abah seorang abah yang baik...yang sentiasa cuba membuat saya berasa gembira di rumahnya dengan membeli kan apa-apa yang saya teringin nak makan, yang ramah dengan saya, yang sangat sayangkan anak saya. Saya berterima kasih kepada Allah kerana memberi saya kasih sayang seorang abah mertua. Walaupun kini takkan ada lagi sardin masakan abah, saya takkan pernah lupa kasih sayang abah pada saya.

Terima kasih abah..

Dan sekarang ini, setiap kali saya mengirimkan Al-fatihah dan doa untuk Allahyarham emak saya, saya pasti mengirimkannya untuk abah juga. Saya sentiasa berdoa kepada Allah semoga Allah mengasihi kedua insan yang saya sayangi ini seperti mana mereka mengasihi saya. Dan saya juga akan mencontohi suami untuk membaca surah Al-Mulk setiap hari untuk Allahyarham emak dan abah, semoga dapat membantu emak dan abah di alam baru mereka. Benarlah kata suami, tiada apa yang lebih bermakna buat emak dan abah sekarang ini selain kiriman doa yang tidak putus dari anak-anaknya.

Kerana itu jugalah, saya dan suami meletakkan mission membesarkan anak kami yaya bukan setakat kefahaman mission hidup biasa : cemerlang dengan deretan A semata, tetapi kami akan berasa amat berbahagia jika dia menjadi anak yang solehah, yang punya nilai dan prinsip hidup lurus, yang kenal siapa dirinya dan siapa Tuhannya, yang tahu apa yang harus dilakukannya di dunia ini, dan yang selalu mendoakan kami mama dan babahnya dan mengirimkan buah tangan pahala sewaktu kami tiada lagi peluang untuk berbuat amal di dunia ini.

Tapi mission ini takkan tercapai melainkan kami mengajarnya agama dan nilai hidup, kerana seorang anak hanya kain bersih yang kosong, ibu bapalah juga yang mecorakkannya. Semoga Allah membantu kami melaksanakan mission besar ini, Amin Ya Rob.

In the remembrance of THE BELOVED

2011-05-03T23:37:00.001-07:00

Recently my husband got himself a new book by Jalaludin Rahmat: “The Road to Muhammad”. An interesting book, he kept saying. Yes, he is absolutely right. The title itself forces me to agree with him. So whenever the book is on its own, I have this feeling that it is kinda calling me, waving at me...saying ”come to me..read me” .(isk, mcm berhantu pulak buku ni hehe)

So I started reading couple of pages...... I really like the introduction part, in which he talks about ‘why’ or ‘how’ the book came into existence. He said, every year around Maulidur Rasul he would write a book about Rasullullah (awesome, isn’t it?). Someone might say that there are many existing books about Rasullulah, why bother writing more? Well this guy doesn’t care if there’s even 3 millions of books about Rasullullah..because he wants to express his feelings, his gratitude, his love towards Nabi Muhammad, and this is his way: by writing books about him.

Some people just have their own, special way to express their love towards Nabi Muhammad. There’s this video we always let our daughter yaya to watch, it’s called “Madad Madad” (praising Rasullullah) by the Burdah Ensemble. It’s nice. Our yaya really likes it: she would shake her body up (and her mama would laugh looking at her). If you try to listen to or download this song from the Youtube, you’ll see that they call it: An Evening in the remembrance of THE BELOVED! It feels so touching..

Somehow, it got me to question myself: What have I done to show that I love Nabi Muhammad? Have I got any books I wrote for him? even any article?

I remember sometime ago, a week after the earthquake that hit Christchurch on Feb 22, there was this “2 minute silence” to remember the disaster that killed 200+ people. The idea was to remember, reflect, and be thankful that we are still alive. It’s a deep thought. Today I was wondering why we never had a “2 minute remembrance of Nabi Muhammad” everyday...to remember, reflect and be thankful to him for all he had done to us.

I really really wish I could write books or ebooks about Rasullullah in future. I even thought about writing other stuff related to him, like his beloved wife Saidatina Khadijah, in an effort to inspire women and wives (including myself) to be a good wife like her. But maybe this dream will come true in..say 3,5 years time. So why should I wait until then?

So I told myself that starting today I must selawat to Nabi as much as possible. This is the least I can do for now to show that I remember, love, and am thankful to him. And I will do it while I am in the middle of doing my routines: washing dishes, cooking, driving, walking...May not be the best time or way of doing it, but at least it’s practical.

Maybe you too could consider this your new habit?

A 15-mins-reading-time ebook that might change the quality of your prayer! (and it's free!)

2011-01-16T17:28:00.000-08:00

Assalamu’alaikum to all,

I just wanted to share with all of you a very good ebook I’ve just read. It talks about the common big mistakes we might be doing while reciting Al-Fatihah in our daily prayers. The points made are very useful, on top of its very-easy-to-understand explanation. Oh, don’t be scared. I promise it won’t take up a large portion of your time. It took only about 15 minutes for a slow reader like me. So you can still have a read while waiting for your dinners to be ready, or your turn for shower, or a bus to arrive. And the good news is: it’s FREE. It worth RM 25 but apparently the author which happen to be my beloved handsome husband, decided to give it for free for those who wish to improve the quality of their prayer.

Another good news is: you don’t have to go to a bookstore to get one for yourself. It can be downloaded from here

Simply put:

Good points + Easy to understand + Easily obtained + Free + Minimum reading time = IT WORTH IT!!

The questions of 2011

2011-01-14T01:45:00.000-08:00

Do you remember how you felt at age of 8 when your strict father found out about your ‘secretly-eating-an-apple-at-1-pm-in-the-afternoon-during-the-month-of-Ramadhan’? I do. I was shocked to death. Camne boleh kantoi???!!!

Yesterday I was asked: ..

“what would happen if I die next hour? or tomorrow? Do I have any pahala I could rely on to save myself from the torture in the grave? and from the burning hell fire?”

I was shocked. Speechless. Because I know I don’t have a good answer to come out with. And because I know I wouldn’t like my answer, whatever it is.

The questions took me all the way back to recap what I have been doing my whole life, and to review what my typical everyday life has always been. I thought about it over and over.....but I couldn’t find anything out of my seemingly crammed schedule, something that was genuinely done for my akhirat. I didn’t count in my prayers. One, because I am very much aware of the quality of my prayers. Second, because those prayers are my obligation as Muslim. If you were given some money because you deserve it (like getting your salary) you don’t feel anything. It’s only when you receive a gift out of sudden that your heart melts. So prayers are out, zakat out, puasa out. What’s left? Possibly some good deeds that I have done like bringing a fried fish to school to feed two starving kittens that I saw the other day, or maybe helping my housemate to submit her homework when she rather slept soundly on the couch in the middle of hot sunny day.

But then I was again asked: “Do I think those were done sincerely?” I hate to agree that as I grew up I learnt the art of being less sincere. Something was usually done because of certain reasons and/or benefits, and these are almost always duniawi-based. I teach because that is my job. I wake up early for sahur because I didn’t want to be extremely hungry throughout the day. I did terawih prayers at the school’s musolla because everyone else at the school did. If sincerity is to be judged, I fail straight away.

I was too speechless to even answer the next question: What about my dosa? This time I was even afraid to think. It is countless!

We talked about this matter very deeply. We came to a point that it is the time now that we start to think seriously about our akhirat. This doesn’t mean that I stop working on my PhD research, or stop buying my all-time-favourite-M1-double-pearl buble tea. I am still looking around for garage sale on Saturday, and going to a fitness center for another swimming lesson. So what does it mean? It means that I need to start working on generating lots and lots of pahala for my akhirat. Improve quality of prayers. Truly learn Al-Quran, write more entries to spread wisdom and knowledge, selawat as much. sedekah. sedekah. sedekah. As I wrote this, I am terrified of how I will manage to do these stuff. They are easy, yet they are hardly done. But I remember Andrew Mathiew wrote in his book ‘Being Happy’ that human is subject to fear when we are not doing anything. The moment we take action, fear subsides. So I will try and keep trying. Because I might die anytime! A big truck’s brake paddles might suddenly not work as it is approaching a junction and I happen to be driving 10 meters in front of it. Somehow I might be falling off a ladder with my head badly hitting a giant rock, got heavily bleeding, and severely damaging the brain. Or I might have a heart attack for no obvious reason while cycling towards school. Or there might be something called cancer growing inside my body that I am not aware of. Nauzubillahiminzalik...

Because when the time comes, death comes.

Dan bagi tiap-tiap umat ada tempoh (yang telah ditetapkan); maka apabila datang tempohnya, tidak dapat mereka dikemudiankan walau sesaatpun, dan tidak dapat pula mereka didahulukan.

Surah Al-A’raf, 34

May Allah help me, and all of us to strive for syurga...while we are still given the chance to live......Amin Ya Robbal Aa’lamin.

Criminals are everywhere. What’s our protection : CCTV? police? ..Surah Al-Falaq?

2010-09-19T01:28:00.000-07:00

They say....."raya sebulan!"...

So I guess I'm not too late to say: Happy Aidilfitri to all :D

How was your raya this year? To me and husband, we are blessed with the presence of our new member in the family..our Yaya..she just turned to 9 months. Oh, I really love it when she wears that cute baju kurung. Anyways, thank you atok and nenet for the baju raya. Next year, yaya would want angpow pulak hehe...

Oh, raya in Malaysia must be so happening...

Thinking about Malaysia, it scares me a lot. We read from the news about people killed ruthlessly...we heard about all sorts of crimes that had never happened before...about how merciless people can be these days....

I am as scared as everybody else..

I remember one night we sit down together, discussing about what we need to do to protect ourselves: install alarm and cctv at home,.. and the list goes on.

Even with those precautions, I wonder if they are sufficient. I wonder if we are really safe and secured...

It was like a perfect time when last night we were discussing Surah Al-Falaq. Wanted to convey to me what this surah is telling us, my husband told me story about how a girl in New York was protected from the devil. Walking home alone late at night, she was passing by a large field when she noticed there was an evil looking man standing on her way. She was scared, but she just passed him by like nothing was about to happen. And nothing did happen!

But to her surprise, the next thing she knew was the news about another girl being raped at the same place where she saw that man, at the time a bit later than the time when she passed him by! So she went to the police station and gave description about the man she saw.

The question is, why was she not the victim when obviously she could have been? What had she done? What did she use?

Apparently, when she became suspicious of that guy, she prayed to Allah and sought for His protection from any possible bad intention of that guy. To us, it may sound like miracle. It is indeed magical and the magic actually lies in her strong believe in God, that He would protect her!

To me, that girl was one of a kind. If I were in that situation, I would be scared to death. I might not know what to do. and in no time I could be a victim. To play safe, I might not even walk alone at night in the first place.

But that girl is just another typical human being. She is no hero. But she sure understands what Surah Al-Falaq is all about. That is, in making sure that we are protected from any harm and bad intention of any ways:

(1) not only that we have to do the necessary precautions, but (2) also seek for Allah's protection.

We always think about no. (1) but very seldom that we really do no. (2).

Well this applies at least to me, myself. And this is what I am learning from Surah Al-Falaq...to guard myself from any danger by making sure I do all necessary precautions, but most importantly seek the protection from Allah with the strong believe that yes, He will protect me... that everything comes from Him, and to Him we seek refuge.

Alhamdulillah..I am at ease, at least a bit. Because danger is still out there, but at least now I know that I always have the ultimate protection. I just seek.

And my husband told me a good prayer for such purpose. That is:

Bismillahillazi la yadurru ma’asmihi syai’un fil ardi walaa fissama’ii, Wa huwassami ul ‘alim.

(Aku berlindung dengan nama Allah yang tidak memberi kemudaratan dengan namanya apa sahaja di bumi dan langit, Dan Dia Maha Mendengar dan Maha Mengetahui)

+ recite 3 quls + ayat kursi

May you find this useful. May Allah protect us all from any danger in any ways. Amin

No, he’s not leaving!

2010-08-27T15:10:00.000-07:00

It’s my 2nd Ramadhan in Christchurch. Last time, I was pregnant with Aliya...and so when I got really excited making this and that kueh (although tak berapa menjadi..biasala...first timer hihi)... people said that it was owing to my pregnancy. This time, surprisingly I got the same excitement. So I came to a (valid) conclusion that......no, I am just a cool, chef-wanna-be wife! (yet is limited edition: only during Ramadhan! hihi)

Talking about Ramadhan, I remembered being told that "the devils are all locked up during the holy month of Ramadhan"

Cool! No devils no evil!

Yet.....

Yet, my prayer is still not khusyuk...
Yet, I am still too lazy to get up and qiamullail
Yet, my heart is still full of sifat-sifat mazmumah
Yet, I can’t get away from sins!

I am so frustrated. I’m mad. To no one but myself. Myself who is no different during Ramadhan than at any other times.

I asked this little Siti Ujila: "why am I like this?"

and she replied: "Because your heart has so much 'dirt'..because you have done so many sins that even without the devils, you can be sinful. There are sins that have rather become your habit!"

Astaghfirullah...

Really..this has made me really sad. Sad and mad.

If the hidden 'dirt' in my heart could be seen from the outer, it must be really-really ugly, smelly, and faulty!

I pray to God, and I seek for His forgiveness.

Penghulu istighfar – I took its advantage of being the 'chief' of such a prayer, hoping that Allah would forgive me...

Ya, Allah Engkaulah Tuhanku, Tidak ada Tuhan selain Engkau, Engkaulah yang menjadikan aku. Sedang aku adalah hambaMu dan aku di dalam genggamanMu dan di dalam perjanjian setia ( beriman dan Taat ) kepadaMu sekuat mampuku. Aku berlindung kepadaMu dari kejahatan yang telah ku lakukan. Aku mengakui atas segala nikmat yang telah Engkau berikan kepada ku dan aku mengaku segala dosaku. Maka ampunilah aku. Sesungguhnya tidak ada yang dapat mengampuni segala dosa kecuali Engkau. Amin

and I told myself, I must change. I must!

There's no 3rd world war. yet the war has long begun..

2010-08-27T07:09:00.000-07:00

So last night we sat down together..looking at the beautiful surah of Allah, the very last An-nas.

The key point that has gotten into me lies in the word of "was-was" mentioned in the 4th verse. When we talked about "was-was", all I remembered from my learning in the past was....."was-was masa amik wuduk". That’s about it. Never had I thought that it has greater deeper meaning.

We were talking about "was-was" when my husband looked me in the eyes and asked..."in this life, what is the most dangerous threat to us?" The question sounded quite serious, so I chose to keep my mouth shut and let him tell me the answer.

It is not the physical threat. not emotional threat like the lost of someone we love.....It is such a threat that the eyes cannot see

Ghuzwatul Fikri – it is called. Serangan Pemikiran. The name itself is as terrifying as it is.

I know about it. I have heard it before. many times. But I have never taken it seriously. All the warnings, all the sign I had ignored before, not realizing it had gotten into me..without me realizing it. Yes, it is unseen by my eyes. Slowly it influences me...and the next thing I know is my inability to see whether something is right or wrong..not according to me, not based on the world’s norm, but in the view of our God.

Silent killer, Ghuzwatul Fikri is. It attacks us Muslims without us realizing it. It deviates our stand and leads us to see something as OK when it used to be NOT OK based on the teaching of the Prophet. It brings uncertainties in our mind.

Ghuzwatul Fikri -Yes...this is the new type of "was-was" in today’s world.

Suddenly my mind flashed back to something that happen about two years ago...we were planning on where to go for our honeymoon...I really wanted to go to New Zealand at that time, but since the cost was a lot we should instead go to Mecca for an umrah, my husband said. Then I argued, what’s so wrong with going to New Zealand and not Mecca? Aren’t all places in this world the same?

Now I understand why my husband got really mad at me for what I was saying. Because I didn’t see Mecca as a very special place...a holy place indeed. Because I didn’t see the significance of Mecca as compared to other places and perceive all places as similar, no particular difference in value. Because it’s Ghuzwatul Fikri!

Astaghfirullahal’azim. My value has been wronged, could be from my five years living in the States. It was only 5 years yet I didn’t realize to what extent it has wronged me..not physically...but in my paradigm, the way I see things, my priority...

And now I understand, why it is not OK for me to spend most of my time on my laptop, books, doing my research....leaving no time for learning the book of Allah, reading the many Islamic books or simply any non-academic materials for the sake of improving my faith. Yes, me being passionate and workaholic is good as a human, but no..my priority was wrong. I have been too much influenced by the competitive life surrounded me in the States. Yes it was sooo hectic and I was soo occupied with my study and work that I didn’t realize my passion and hard work had all been for my dunia, when I should have given my akhirat more priority.

Binggo! another Ghuzwatul Fikri!

So I tell myself. It doesn’t mean I shouldn’t study hard and publish many journals. That’s pessimist. But hey, when the time comes, close your book and perform your prayer....Make time for saham akhirat...read other books..go to usrah....I told myself.

From now onwards, I must “protect myself”..my unconscious mind....from this:

Min sharril was waasil khonnaas.
Dari kejahatan penyakit was-was (Ghuzwatul Fikri) yang sering datang dan pergi

Thanks to Allah for reminding me.

Thanks to surah An-nas.

It is beautiful indeed..

My experience with Al-Quran - an introduction

2010-08-25T16:06:00.001-07:00

It’s been ages since I last wrote. I just couldn’t bring myself to write any (a more polite way of saying I’m lazy! hihi). My apology..

Alhamdulillah at last Allah has given me a strength to make a come back and here I am! This time with better stories to share..

A secret to be revealed indeed!

All this while, I didn’t take advantage from the presence of a 'guru' readily available in front of me. Who is it? My husband! who else could it be hihi.

Well, to start with...I thought I’d let you know that he is quite an expert in the field of Al-Quran and Qiraat. yes he is an ustaz. and not only that, he has the ability to present his ceramah in a very interesting way. and I meant it.

It has occurred to me lately that I asked myself: Have I really learnt from my life manual? my life textbook? I am very poor at managing stress...I know it....but have I ever wanted to learn how to control it from the Quran? Do I even know what Al-Quran says..about how to live in this life according to the Allah’s code of conduct?

No!

Because all this while I only recite Al-Quran (once in a while!). It’s so funny..I don’t understand Arabic, yet I read it and just read it. How could I understand what it says when I don’t understand Arabic? Even if I refer to the tafsir, I don’t see how the meaning relates to myself, my life...I read the tafsir just for the sake of knowing what the ayats are saying..

that’s why my life is not an inch improved!

and so I’m thinking, why not I spend about an hour or two with him, everyday, specially dedicated to learn the love letters of Allah. If I can spend hours and hours for my research, my study, my kitchen...why can’t I do the same for Al-Quran?

Alhamdulillah, thanks to Allah for giving me this inspiration. Many many thanks.

yeah..lets have a date honey!

Oh by the way, I am not a stingy person (hihi) so I’m not going to keep it to myself alone. So I’ll post them here – the hidden secret of Al-Quran.

It is solely based on my own experience in interacting with Al-Quran, but it may be benefial to any body else...

A day off is a long-lasting moment of happiness!

2010-04-15T11:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I took a day off. I didn’t go to school. I just stayed at home and didn’t bother to open my books. I did it on purpose.

It was a sunny warm day. Too nice to be wasted at school. I can always go to school next time, I thought.

One of the doors in our house leads to a deck, simple yet nicely painted by the owner. When we first moved in, it was a lovely summer so the deck was our favorite lepak site. We had breakfast and tea time there. Sometimes it became my study place. From the deck, there is a nice view of Ilam field, a field five times as big a football field. Maybe six. We are only separated by an old self-made wooden fence, painted in the same color as that of the deck. There’s also row of almost perfectly aligned trees. The color is still green. Hasn’t turned to yellow. Or red. We put chairs on the deck. Antique ones. Like a home sweet home of a 60 years old lovely couple. I really really love the view of this area. Looking at it, I feel as if we were on holidays, spending few days in a nice old cottage on a desert island. Very refreshing. Inspiring!

Yet I don’t look at it often enough.

So yesterday I took the chance. I looked at it...beautiful! Then I closed my eyes. I can feel the air flowing over my face. and I can even hear its sound! The leaves were dancing happily, and some birds were singing together. At a time there was airplane hovering across the blue sky. And I saw some people on the field, slaking off from school just like me. Some people said leadership is a skill, but slaking off is an art. True. Oh yeah, there’s also a line of yaya’s cute clothes. My lil'l daughter...

I was mesmerized!

Aidh Al-Qarni in his book La Tahzan was right when he said that we have life, yet we never aware of!

This place is refreshing, but I didn’t look at it often enough. At times when life is tiring, I didn’t realize this view right next to my house is indeed energizing. We bother too much about things we do not have that we do not realize things that we do have (ayat belit2 but I really like it haha). The legs that we use to walk, run, or stand still are not just legs, they are nikmat from Allah. But we never realized it and be grateful until one day when we are old enough that we need a stick to walk with. So don’t wait. Look at things around us, they are not just there, they are priceless! Each of em. The air we breathe in, the table we put stuff on, the sleepiness with which we can have one good rest, the laugh and cry of our little babies....

~ life is good ~

It is a simple 2-pages lesson....yet it gives a long-lasting happiness!

Living in NZ for few years is a great gift from Allah. I had always wanted to come here for a holiday. A week traveling in this lovely green country would be nice I thought. I had even initially chosen it as our honeymoon destination, but we ended up going to a romantic island Bali. Never had I thought that I would be given the chance to be here, not just a week, but whole 3 years (maybe more hehe). But when I got here, I focused too much on my study that I forgot to enjoy what’s right in front of my eyes. Too sad.

So after Asar I put on one of my favorite dresses and off we went to Hagleys Park. I’ll just let the pictures do the talking.

Oh yes, by the way, my husband saw a poster about a cat show this coming Saturday (Tomorrow!) at the Horticultural Hall, Hagley Park. A cat show? Wow! It’s a must-go!

Even birds are smarter!

2010-04-14T05:17:00.000-07:00

I once read a book 'Getting a PhD'.

But I never thought it was gonna be a lot more challenging.

I remember those diffult days I had faced in my way to get a Bachelor and a Masters degree in the States. It's a hectic life. Everyone is competetive. It is a demanding society. I got the degrees but I failed to learn the wisdoms, one of which is that I should have improved myself on how to manage stress..

Yes, my problem is I don't know how to manage stress.

Everybody knows that a PhD is an independent work. To complete a small task requires knowledge in many many area, so even the small task would end up taking few days, or even weeks. Because everything is learnt by oneself. No classes. No teachers.

Sometimes it can be very stressful. Not because I hate doing what I am doing. In fact, I love doing research. I am stressful because of the expectation I put on myself. I always want things to get done in a fastest yet perfect way. Woa!..now I realize that these two words are themselves pain in the neck! Shouldn't we be doing the BEST, and the best is not necessarily FASTEST n PERFECT?

Yes, at the end of the day, I learn the knowledge that I ought to know. But I must ask myself, have I learnt the wisdom?

A PhD is not just about the degree and knowledge. More importantly it is about how well one manages to cope with the stress and handle the challenges in a positive way. A PhD can teach you to be humble, when you realize that there are many small things you do not know. But instead, many people end up being arrogant with the PhD degree that they finally got. Haven't they got the wisdom? Binggo!

This is in fact a reminder for me. I better start learning the wisdom as much as I learn the knowledge. Knowledge is IQ, but wisdom is EQ (emotional quotient) and SQ (spiritual quotient).

I am lucky I have a sifu in this matter - my very own husband. He is really good at this. He always sees things in positive ways, and he is always be grateful. I really admire this part of him. He may look serious on the outside, but he is really cool in the inside. I like that! Now, the question is, how did he become one of that kind? I saw him reading a lot. And when he reads, he doesn't just read. He adsorbs the wisdom. Same thing when he sees something. One time we were laying on the couch, looking outside through the big glass windows. There was a tree and we saw some birds, and he said "look at the birds. what can we learn from them?" then he continued "They birds don't have house. They go from one tree to another. Yet, they are happy and never get worried!"

It is when we see things in a poitive way that we would not create stress.

Time to read a book. And not just read!

~ life is beautiful ~

2010-04-13T16:54:00.000-07:00

Hari ini..dengan hati berbunga riang saya berjalan kaki ke sekolah. Saya tidak pergi ke office tempat biasa saya buat kerja, tp terus saya berjalan menuju satu library 11 tingkat utk menikmati view yg cantik..dengan harapan kerja hari ini '2D programming' menjadi lebih mudah..ye, saya sgt pening memahami code 2D ini.

Perjalanan yang jauh..

Terus saya naik ke tingkat ke 11. Cantik, saya kata dalam hati..melihat bumi NZ ciptaan Allah. Dengan semangat berkobar-kobar dan hati yang riang, saya mula memunggah beg sekolah.

seketika saya tergamam...

alahai.....bateri laptop tertinggal!

~ life is beautiful ~

I guess it's time for this:

Or this:

yaya at 3 months old...

2010-04-02T02:01:00.000-07:00

~ belajar mengiring & meniarap ~

~ belajar bermain ~

+ suke nak duduk & berdiri

+ suke tgk tibi

+ suke explore tgn die

+ suke buat mulut buih2

+ + + suke bercakap

+ pandai merajuk haha

paling best..bgn tido dgn ceria + byk ckp hihihi

perfect weekends!

2010-03-27T23:30:00.000-07:00

I had a forthnight meeting with my supervisor on Friday afternoon, and these words pop out from his mouth "siti, u have to take care of yourself!"

I know! must be my swollen and barely openned eyes. I hardly sleep at night these days. Aliya has started to sleep longer at night so I thought it is a perfect time for me to study. It is. But unfortunately with little sleep everyday my mind couldn't function well towards the end of the week that I even forgot to bring Aliya's book during visit to a clinic for her 3 months vaccination. I am thankful to my husband who has helped a lot. and I am thankful to my Aliya too..for making me happy despite the tiring day and pressure from study. It came to my mind that Allah gave me Aliya not to make it more difficult to study due to all the responsibilities that come along, but to make it easier by being happier! Thank you Allah.

~ Our happy little family ~

and the weekends came. PERFECT!!

I had a long good sleep! On Sunday morning after subuh prayer, my hubby asked "nak ikut tak gi tangkap ikan?".."Yeah, lets watch the sunrise"..I said. So off we went to the place, called kaiapoi. It was cold, but I managed to get few shots :D

Oh, anyway, On Thursday Aliya went to Plunket, a provider of child care in NZ. Aliya now weighs 6 kgs at 61 cm tall. We were treated well by the lady. At mid 40s, she is doing well with her job. I observe same thing whenever I go in this country - no matter what they work as, these people do great job. They are proud with their job. Be it a cleaner. Because a clean office provides good working environment for other people. This must be the reason.

Wouldn't it be great if we can be like em too!

I am a worker too. I teach. So I must teach well. Only then my students can do great job. See, great job makes another great job! (haha, I like that phrase!).

and here's Plunket's cutest baby of the day:

Dear nenet...

2010-03-19T06:53:00.000-07:00

Dear nenet,
Hi nenet. How are you nenet? How about atot? mak lam? mak long? pak long? kembang? (abes semua nak sebut)

Yaya is fine here. Yaya likes it here. Yaya sleeps well at nite. Everyday babah brings yaya out. Sometimes we go buy chicken. sometimes fruits. Mama goes to school but she comes back when yaya is thirsty. After school mama brings yaya out. We watch people play freebie.

But yaya misses nenet..and atot too..and mak lam too..everyone..oh Kembang too. Yaya loves sleeping with nenet. Yaya sorry nenet that sometimes yaya woke nenet up at night when yaya couldn't sleep. perot masok angin. hihi

nenet..happy birthday to you~~~~ Yaya prays to Allah may nenet always be in good health, always happy, always be my nenet. Thank you for taking care of yaya when yaya was in Maleisia (salah eja keke). Nenet don't worry..Yaya will be back. because yaya wants to eat nenek's chicken porridge! hihi.

See you again nenet. Till then, nenet and atot take care ok. Tata.

Sincerely yours,
yaya atau apo?

picture: me and my nenet :D

A few little things that means BIG!

2010-03-15T06:56:00.000-07:00

I didn't make any resolution on new year's eve this year. No particular reason.

Yesterday I read a book by Mohammad Fauzil Adhim, one of Indonesian best authors (esp in parenting). I am not a bookworm. I am very picky. But this book really really did attract me the first time I saw it. I skimmed through and read first few pages at the bookstore. He wrote it nicely at first glance...and the content seems perfect. It says "Saat berharga Untuk Anak kita" on the cover.

Indeed it is a perfect book. Just imagine, I was reading only the first few pages yesterday when I got so enlightened to become a great mother. So I grabbed a paper and colorful pens and wrote this:

My resolutions for this year! Belated.

I remember about 10 years ago I wrote on my wall at school, something like: "must get 9A1 in SPM insyaAllah" (back then the max subjects taken was 10 and I took only 9. I was gonna take an extra subject but I was demotivated by a 'friend' who said that it would be hard for me, and I mistakenly listened to her. I was surprised when my classmate could easily get an A1 for that extra subject I should have taken. Since then I never listen to those negators!). Know what happen the first time I sticked it on my wall? I was laughed at. She said she wouldn't write that, because the shame of not being able to accomplish that is unbearable. True. But, what happen at the end? I got 9A1 and she didn't. Conclusion: believe in yourself!

Well I know for many people those little things mean little. But considering my current condition as a student, a wife, and a mother of 2 months old baby who is fully dependent on her parents...those little things mean really BIG. In fact I have many many other things I want to do everyday. I want to be a writer. I consider it as my 2nd job in future. I don't want to be typical lecturer, doing and contributing nothing outside the academic world.

But there is only 24 hours in a day. Breastfeeding alone takes about 30 mins each time, and she is hungry every 2 hours on average,..how many hours do I have left for all other stuff minus breastfeeding? Do the math! AND there is also certain limit to the amount of energy we have. So I am going to be realistic, hence the short list.

Yes, it is indeed a good book. It tells me that no matter how busy, how tired I am, I must make time for my yaya (aside from changing nappies, bath, breastfeeding etc). I would come home early to first feed her, then take her for an evening walk. Seeing her big eyes looking at the flowers, all my headache from school goes away.

Because she would be a baby only once in her life!

As time goes by, she'll grow and become more and more independent that one day she'll do everything on her own. And when that time comes, what can I do for her? I'll be almost unneeded. Sad but true!

I AM busy with my study stuff, yet I don't want to regret it later that I didn't spend time for her. Some people think that we can start doing that later (say when the child is 4 years old) but hello, remember the word 'bonding'? It has to start since the time the baby arrives in this world!

It is really a good book. Go get one!

Anyways, today is our 2nd anniversary :D :D Yes, it is a perfect time for making a resolution hehe.

Dear my beloved hubby, happy 2nd anniversary. May God bless our family with happiness in good times and hard times...and all time. Amin. I love you. I love our family. you + me + yaya + more to come hehe!

Oh, look at her chearful smile :D

wanted: part time superheroin

2010-03-13T10:02:00.000-08:00

We are finally back in Christchurch, NZ. Not 2, but 3 of us..hehe. We are glad that Aliya seems to like her new place. Knowing my manja daughter who usually likes to be hold, I am so relieved that she got no problem seating on her own in her car seat. Good girl! (I guess I haven't known her enough)...It was funny when we first put her in the car seat...she didn't dare to move her hands an inch! Oh, I really really like the expression on her face when she and her babah sent me to school on Friday. Seating calmly in her car seat, with her 'all grown up' attitude...the look was like saying "OK mama, time to study..blajar rajin2" haha! Oh I really really love it!

It took us few days to settle down. We arrived in Christchurch on Monday but we were still busy cleaning up the house on Thursday. Well, the house wasn't that messy..but I guess the time has finally come to reveal the real me --> I am a part time superheroin! haha! I was gonna have a meeting with my supervisor on Friday morning, but until about 2 am I haven't had the chance to do some preparation I had in mind. I got so tired that I couldn't do any work related to my study, yet I couldn't sleep worrying and thinking too much about the meeting. Double losses for me!

"Mengaku kelemahan diri tapi jangan mengaku kalah pada kelemahan itu"...my husband told me, trying to make me felt better.

I really like that sentence (hence the entry) and he was right. 'Mengaku kelemahan diri' is acknowledging our limitation. I am not a superwoman. I can't work continuously for the whole day. Getting tired after such physical work is logical. By doing this ('mengaku kelemahan diri'), we could release the pressure of trying to do beyond our limitation. In my case, initially I was planning to get this 'she's doing a great job' look on my supervisor's face. I impatiently wanted him to know the research idea I have in mind. I was gonna have it written out nicely. But it stressed me out. Because I didn't have any energy left. But hubby said that I could just explain to him the idea and then say "I am sorry, actually I wanted to document this well but I didn't have the time yet since I just got back and was so busy cleaing up my house". Would he be mad? No. Was I still be able to impress him? Yes. See..by 'mengaku kelemahan diri'..I was still able to get his good impression on me despite not having to do the writing I initially planned. And I wasn't stressed out anymore after hubby taught me this. Double victories for me! hooreyy ~ tq abam

BUT

Beware of the misconception on this...hence the latter 'tapi jangan mengaku kalah pada kelemahan itu'. Some people use the limitation as an excuse, but in a wrong way, where it leads to not doing the best they could otherwise be doing. Saying like "apa nak buat, ni je yang boleh.." with that loser look...urgh! people do have limitation...but the question remains "have they done enough given their limitation and circumstances?" We must know our limitation, yet we should try our best with what we've got:

"Mengaku kelemahan diri tapi jangan mengaku kalah pada kelemahan itu".

lesson learnt.

Oh anyway yesterday we went to a lovely place called Mona Vale to get few shots of our lovely Yaya. Here's some pics:

Dear my love...

2010-02-26T17:36:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday to you..
Happy birthday to you..
Happy birthday to babah..
Happy birthday to you~~~~

:D Yesterday was babah's birthday (wanted to write this entry yesterday but was pretty occupied). Mama, yaya, nenek, atok, and all doakan semoga babah terus dianugerahi kesihatan yang baik, dan kebahagiaan dunia akhirat..May Allah always bless babah and may babah always be successful in everything you do. Mama and yaya want to thank babah for all babah has done..we love babah very very much..

Thank you for being my husband who has always guided me to the right path, taught me life and how to make life more meaningful...

Thank you for giving me your heart...

I love you I love you and I love you..

Here's a song especially dedicated to babah *wink*

oh anyways, it was yaya's 2 months birthday too! :D

Here's my two cinta hatiku ~

and this is me (tumpang sekaki :D)

She read as early as 8 months old!!!

2010-02-25T03:33:00.000-08:00

It was a lovely morning and we just got back from mandi sungai at ulu bendul. I can't believe it took only about 7 mins to reach there from PIL's place. Gonna be our 'must go' place when Aliya is big enough to play with the cold water. I think she's gonna love it! I could tell she enjoyed the sightseeing (although I don't know to what extend she could see hehe) Her eyes were big, full of curiosity. I just love it!

Oh anyways, I found this really really cool video! check it out, especially if you are parents like me!

The kid in that video started to learn to read as early as under 1 year old, and she already read news paper at 4 years old! Amazing, isn't it? I was browsing yesterday about kid development and found out that we can teach baby how to read as early as when s/he can start grabbing stuff (6 months old!). Of course, there are techniques and precautions..the do's and dont's...like: have to make it fun, don't pressure the kid, stop it before s/he gets bored etc...well I am not trying to restate the information here since you can find tremendous over the internet! I just want to share this excitement..lets do this you guys! Just thinking about my Aliya can read makes me really really happy and really really excited!

Some time ago I read book 'Catatan Hati Nik Nur Madihah'. You sure know her, don't you? She is a genius! well, I know she's not the only one who made records for their SPM results, but she is one of a kind..why? because she grew up from family yg susah, couldn't afford to go to tuition classes..she even copied dictionary because buying one is just impossible (I can't imagine how she could have done that! never ever in my life I had been such diligent). My God, my heart really moved as I read her stories. Well, what I really want to point out about her in here is..I believe one of the reasons for her unbelievable success is the motivation and lessons she learn from her parents, and to my surprise she has a father that, although is a fisherman, loves to read and he even reads stuff about engineering! That is, her father is not a typical fisherman. Her father is a fisherman who appreciates knowledge, and he could have been an engineer or a doctor if he has had the chance. I bet Nik Nur Madihah also loves reading. As for me, I started to love reading only after I met my husband. He is the person who has encouraged me to read, and he himself reads a lot of book..from politics to Islamic stuff, from marketing to psychology and many others...he reads whenever he has a chance..and he always brings a book with him whereever he goes!

We want to make reading as a habit in our family. We want our children to love reading too, and we would not mind buying as many books as they want. But we do bear in mind that, no matter how much we put our effort to educate our children, it is God who decides the final outcome..whether they are genius or not, that is not our concern..as long as we have tried our very best to educate them. Plus, it is not how many A's that matters...even if our children are doing so-so in study (after trying their best of course!) but they grow up as anak yang soleh and solehah..that is PERFECT! We could not be asking for more.

Friends...Lets together make our children love to read, may they grow up as people with knowledge. Lets share tips and experience in this matter, may the benefit can be spread to others. Isn't it great if we have lots and lots of Nik Nur Madihah? and isn’t it just really really great if among them are our own children?

F.A.C.E.S

2010-02-24T09:31:00.000-08:00

~ Aliya @ 2-months old ~

sopan...

cute!!!!

confuse?

nakal!

curious...

excited!

tired...

sleepy...

smiling ~

cemek...!

Last but not least...solehah~! :D

~ I just love em! ~

I hit a jackpot!

2010-02-14T06:05:00.000-08:00

This is AWESOME! I mean really really AWESOME!

What happen?

My first year at the University of Canterbury wasn't so good. Actually, was pretty bad. It was OK at the beginning. But then problems came one after another..you wouldn't believe it!

and I haven't accomplished anything for my study. Nothing.

and now my second year has hit its second month and is approaching the 3rd.

I was so worried that sometimes I cry.

But, who knew that it only took couples of second for this to change! Yes, it was a miracle. and it was Allah who has helped me when suddenly an idea for my research came across my mind. And I am telling you, it was a brilliant one. And If I am right about it, I totally hit a jackpot! My God, I am happier than ever.

When I thought about all this thing, about all the problems, difficulties, lost I had to face for the past few months, and how things are turned upside down in just few seconds..nothing came to my mind but how merciful Allah is...how beautiful life He has given us..and more importantly how great He is..with only a small favor of his, He has made it easy and washed away all the difficulties!

And who are we to oppose Him...and who are we to make fate better than He does...

Thank you Allah..

Lesson learned. Lets keep trying in this life. Things might be really hard at times, but don't let our guard down! For Allah can and will make it easy if He wishes so..

lets gambatte minna!

Oh by the way, I got my bubble tea!!! Hihihihihi. All thanks to my in laws who found the bubble tea stall and many many thanks for buying me some. How thoughtful you guys are! :D Now I can have bubble tea almost everyday (since it's waayyy cheaper here in Senawang than in KL, and wayyyy closeby)

what's more interesting than having bubble tea almost every day? (senyum sampai telinga heh heh heh)

A cup of bubble tea will do

2010-01-21T06:21:00.000-08:00

This saturday my Aliya will turn to one month old (time flies, yeah?!). I can't wait to end this confinement period. Have another 2 weeks or so to finally have my taste buds enjoy the soothing taste of bubble tea. It's my favorite drink since some time ago, when I was still in the States. Back then I bought 2 cups everyday (big size!)..I am so into it until now. It's not just a drink. It's a remedy. Whenever my world turns upside down..a cup of bubble tea will do...

Everyone's life is challenging in its own way..all we need is perseverance. I am trying to give my best to keep up with what is expected from me. It has been tough last year, lets hope that this new year will be better. Now that I have my Aliya I must take care of as a mother, I need to have strong self-discipline. Only then I can do well in my study. I have to be mentally prepared from now, before resuming my study in March (and progress report is due 3 months later uhuh!). May Allah help me through...Amin..

Lets try our best, for God never likes us to give up in life..

Gambatte Mama! Yosh!

La La La It's Love \:D/

2010-01-20T20:34:00.000-08:00

Oh I was sooooo happy last night. For the VERY first time (!), I was able to successfully 'dodoi' my Aliya until she fell asleep (another miracle haha). I have to give credit to myself for this :D because all this while whenever I hold her in my arms she would cry. My holding skill is not zero, but negative infinity! haha. My husband blames it on my mechanical eng background (and he's sooo right hehe...)

The feeling of being able to dodoi her is undescrible and priceless.

To all new mothers, especially those with no experience in baby care (like me :D)...GAMBAREEEE!!!! Lets put some more effort to become the best mother to our loved ones.

~ I love her more and more ~

I'm no angel

2010-01-20T04:50:00.000-08:00

Upssss...did I forget something? hmm..hmm...(thinking)

I know I forget something..hehe...I'm truly truly sorry for not keeping my promise...I know you are dying(!) to know what I want my Aliya to be..

anyways..I didn't forget....actually..I did not write on purpose (!) why? Because my husband has it posted in his blog, so I decided not to write the same thing. Sometimes repetition is unnecessary (good reason, isn't it..hehe)...

Enough said...

Without further delay, I'm introducing...my husband super cool blog :D

www.asraffayob.com

Visit now! *wink*

The arrival of my angel!!!....Aliya Altafunnisa Bt Mohammad Asraff

2010-01-16T17:45:00.000-08:00

Tadaaaaa!!!! Here she is!! Finally I got my Aliya came out to this world on the 26th of Dec..I had to endure the contraction from about 10 pm on the 25th to about 5 am the next day. During those hours it was really a nightmare...thanks to the dr who didn't give me the 'bius punggung' (I could care less about the epidural since I wasn't planning to have one)..Alhamdulillah...thank God for giving me a miracle that night...I was able to act cool most of the time (to my surprise!)...thanks to my husband who taught me how to deal with the pain everytime it came...ie, by saying a lot: La ila ha illa anta, subhanaka inni kuntu minaz zolimin...

Nevertheless, the pain was all gone the time she came out..it was the happiest moment in my life..and I didn't mind not sleeping for 2 straight days just to be by her side, feeding her..stay awake just to hear her breathing and watch her beautiful face. Ohh my heart melts everytime!

Today is my 22nd day of my confinement period...I must say it was not that easy for me...especially to deal with the emotional disturbance associated with postnatal depression..but Alhamdulillah both of us are getting healthier. I couldn't do a lot of things I want to do with her just yet due to the pain I am suffering at the moment...I owe big time to my kind mother in law, sister in law and my husband who are taking care of her.

I want to be the best mother to her, despite my limitation and circumstances. I grew up with love and care from my mother...so I want her to have that kind of mother too...

Now that I have her, I couldn't be asking for more...

....All praise due to Allah....

~ she is my angel ~

Shocking News!!!

2009-12-18T02:01:00.000-08:00

I had my latest antenatal check up on last Thursday, when I found that I’ve lost almost 2 kg since the last check up. I was happy (and surprise too) because I heard that losing some weight at the end of pregnancy indicates something that I’ve been waiting: the time! It has almost come! (I would rather take it as a myth though)…plus, I’ve been craving this and that lately so the fact that my weight went down despite the extra food intake makes me really happy (hihihiihi)...

But…my happiness didn’t last long..busted in a blink of an eye when the Dr said that I shouldn’t have lost my weight and that it may indicate something is wrong (I was like…what? You kidding me!) Can you imagine…it’s my 38th week pregnancy, full of excitement…and suddenly the ‘something-is-not-right’ came out from the Dr’s mouth! I was really shocked! So she referred me to the government’s clinic for further check up (which means I have to go to that crowded place again, standing while waiting until my number is called which then when the time comes I will have to hear the nurses nagging about this and that that I should and shouldn’t do. Oh by the way, I didn’t go there for the next appointment which I should’ve gone, so I can imagine that they would scold me for that…uhhhhh..be ready!!!). My goodness, I really wished I didn’t have to go to that place anymore. Nevermind, for aliya’s sake, mommy will do everything (*wink*)

So we made a plan to go there on the next day. That evening we were watching football match between Malaysia and Vietnam when we realized it was gonna be a public holiday on Friday. Public holiday on Friday means that the earliest time we can do the check up would be on the following Monday! Panic, I called my relative who is a doctor. Thank God, she told me that nothing is to be worried about if the baby kept moving like usual..it was really a relief..Alhamdulillah (it did relieve me a lot since aliya is not only moving more than 10 times a day, but she has been kicking every inch of my tummy all she wants..I made a conclusion that she is preparing herself to be a sports girl unlike her mom hehehe) ..Alhamdulillah..alhamdulillah…

That’s all news about aliya, brought to you by …..

Actually I have been thinking a lot about her…she’s coming out soon insyaAllah..but have I prepared enough to be a good mother? How would I make her to listen to me? How would I know what she wants when she cries like crazy? Things like that…

And most important, I’ve been asking myself, what kind of person will she be growing up as? What I want her to be?

Thank God, I've found the answer (and it's perfect!). What is it? jeng jeng jeng..to be continued! (so make sure you read the next entry hehe)

Meditation....the Islamic way!

2009-12-12T22:12:00.000-08:00

Semalam saya menghadiri antenatal class di Selangor Medical Center. My feedback? Thumbs up! Memang best (except a session when a young lady talked about dietary...pretty lame) Tapi masa Pn Faridah gave her presentation, it was funny yet very informative. Definitely I recommend going for SMC antenatal class should you need to attend one (the cheapest one too!).

Oh, salah satu yang saya belajar semalam ialah pasal the need for pregnant mother to exercise. OK, I don’t want to talk too much about the information I got from the antenatal class assuming that they can be easily found from internet/books (yet, I still went to the class, oh ho. But I can say that neither internet nor books can present the information as good as Pn Faridah could, so it was not a waste at all). Actually, yang saya nak share ialah ini: This morning I started to exercise for about 30 mins..just walking down the street at my MIL’s place. My husband was jogging too, although we took different routes (definitely cause I would not be able to catch him up). Then we took some time after the exercise to relax under the tree next to my MIL’s house. Oh it felt really good to enjoy the fresh air after such tiring walk (I must tell that I didn’t sweat much but the sense of well being did come to me). After doing some warming down, he taught me something very interesting. What is it? Jeng jeng jeng…I call it meditation the Islamic way..

Lets try it. It goes like this. Mula-mula duduk dalam keadaan bersila. Tegakkan badan belakang dan tangan di lutut dengan lengan dalam keadaan straight (posing mcm org tengah meditate tu)..tutup mata..relaks…then cuba feel angin yang bertiup dan menghembus sehingga anda dapat rasakan kesegarannya..sehingga anda menterjemahkannya sebagai satu nikmat…memang best…it was so amazing that you can even hear the sound of the flowing wind..something you would never feel or realize before. Then try to listen to any sound you hear…bunyik burung, air, desiran angin, sayup-sayup bunyi kereta…ohh memang best…terasa seperti kita dalam satu dunia lain yang penuh warna-warni dan kenikmatan. It is actually the world we live in cuma kita je yang tak pernah perasan.

So then, with all these feelings…say thanks to Allah from the very bottom of your heart..ask for His forgiveness that we rarely appreciate and be grateful to Him..at this stage, talk to Allah all you want to say like what you would have said in your doa (but in a more relaxing way)…then open your eyes…and you will find yourself feeling good. You will notice again those things you felt and heard just now when you closed your eyes….and surprisingly they would make you smile.

Believe it or not. Lets try it!

Mencorakkan kain putih

2009-12-01T18:54:00.000-08:00

"Setiap anak lahir dalam keadaan fitrah dan kedua orang tuanyalah yang meyahudikan, atau mengkristiankan, atau memajusikannya."

Membaca hadith di atas, teringat saya pada kata-kata seorang sahabat yang tinggi ilmu, semangat dan pengalamannya, Kak Gayah. Menurutnya, jika seorang kafir memeluk Islam, dia bukanlah ‘convert’ kepada Islam, tetapi istilah ‘revert’ lebih tepat. Kenapa? Kerana sejak alam roh lagi, kita semua adalah Muslim. Kita mengaku bahawa Allah adalah Tuhan kita.

Saya berbincang dengan suami berkenaan perkara ini. Menurut suami, setiap kita lahir dalam keadaan fitrah, ertinya seperti kain putih, kosong, bersih…yang belum tercorak apa-apa di atasnya. Atau boleh diistilahkan sebagai ‘neutral’. Mengapa? Kerana Allah ingin bersikap adil kepada setiap manusia, iaitu setiap dari kita bermula dengan permulaan yang sama…kain putih yang belum tercorak itu.

Kemudian suami bertanya, Apa sebenarnya yang ingin disampaikan dalam hadith itu?

Saya terkejut. Saya fikir penjelasan bahawa Allah itu Maha Adil sudah cukup menjadi intisari hadith di atas. Rupanya Allah ingin menyampaikan pengajaran yang lebih penting, iaitu betapa besarnya peranan ibu bapa dalam ‘mencorakkan’ anak yang lahir itu.

Menurut suami, anak-anak kita insyaAllah tidak akan bertukar agama menjadi Yahudi, Kristian atau Majusi. Tetapi, pemikiran mereka mungkin dipengaruhi oleh budaya hedonism, materialism, individualism, feminism dll, yang dimomokkan oleh Barat dan kaum liberal.

Memperluaskan pemahaman

Maka, skop pemahaman kita terhadap hadith ini perlu diperluaskan, sesuai dengan keadaan sekarang ini. Walaupun anak kita seorang Muslim, tapi kita sebagai ibu bapanyalah yang mencorakkan pemikirannya, sikapnya, jiwa dan rohaninya. Hasil peranan ibu bapalah yang menentukan samada anak itu :

lebih suka menghadiri kuliah agama…..atau bergelumang maksiat di pusat-pusat hiburan…
lebih suka menolong orang lain…..atau bersikap mementingkan diri sendiri….
lebih bersikap humble….atau seorang yang sombong bongkak. ..

Subhanallah….satu hadith yang cukup mendalam maknanya untuk renungan kita sebagai ibu bapa…

Mensyukuri musibah

2009-11-30T19:26:00.000-08:00

Sepanjang emak telah pergi, saya memanjatkan doa kepada Allah, memohon kebaikan demi kebaikan untuk emak..sehingga satu ketika saya merasa terpukul... kerana saya lupa untuk memanjatkan syukur kepada Allah...

Syukur kerana Allah tidak menguji emak dengan kesakitan yang lebih lama
Syukur kerana emak pergi dalam keadaan dia redha dengan ujian yang Allah beri
Syukur kerana emak sempat merasa sedikit senang
Syukur kerana Allah memuliakan emak pada hari ajalnya tiba
Syukur kerana saya sempat bersamanya pada penghujung usianya
Syukur kerana Allah memakbulkan doa saya agar memudahkan emak dan memberi yang terbaik untuknya

Syukur bukan bererti saya gembira dengan pemergian emak. Sedih di hati hanya Dia yang tahu. Tapi syukur beerti kita tidak lupa berterima kasih kepada Allah atas seribu satu perkara baik yang Allah beri.....disebaliknya satu perkara kurang baik (di mata kita) yang Allah timpakan kepada kita...

....dan boleh jadi kamu benci kepada sesuatu padahal ia baik bagi kamu, dan boleh jadi kamu suka kepada sesuatu padahal ia buruk bagi kamu. Dan (ingatlah), Allah jualah Yang mengetahui (semuanya itu), sedang kamu tidak mengetahuinya. Baqarah 216

Alhamdulillah, kini saya lebih memahami ayat ini

Perginya hati yang mulia

2009-11-30T02:02:00.000-08:00

Dia tidak pernah merungut, walau hidupnya selalu susah
tidak pernah ingin menyusahkan walau diri serba kekurangan
tidak pernah marah-marah, walau dia dimarahi
tidak mengata orang, walau dikelilingi mereka yang suka mengata

Dia menolong orang lain walau kudratnya kecil
Dia kuatkan semangat walau dirinya serba lemah
Dia tidak mengeluh, tidak menagis, tidak putus asa...walau dia di ambang maut
Sedang sakitnya itu berat lagi mata lain yang memandang

.....Walau berat lagi bahu yang memikul....!

Dia tetap sabar
Dia..ibuku...Supiah Bt Sario..pemilik sekeping hati yang mulia..

Ibu telah pergi dan kembali kepada penciptaNya pada 23/11/09 jam 910 pg..tanpa sempat aku menemuinya buat kali terakhir...sedang aku belum cukup mengatakan betapa aku menyayangi dia

Sampaikan sayang

Tapi aku pasti, aku bukan sepenuhnya berpisah dengan ibu. Aku masih boleh menyampaikan rasa sayangku kepadanya melalui doa-doa yang akan kukirimkan untuknya, seperti sabda Nabi s.a.w:

Apabila anak Adam meninggal, maka terputuslah segala amalnya kecuali tiga perkara: shadaqah jariyah, ilmu yang bermanfaat, anak yang soleh yang mendoakan
Hadits Riwayat Muslim.

Malah suami telah menggembirakanku apabila die berkata bahawa ‘doa’ dalam hadith itu bukan hanya doa seperti yang kita fahami, tetapi juga termasuk segala pahala yang kita dapat lalu ingin disedekahkan dan disampaikan kepada yang telah pergi. Contohnya, jika kita mendapat pahala kerana menolong orang lain, kita boleh niatkan dan memohon kepada Allah agar pahala tersebut disampaikan kepada yang telah pergi untuk manfaatnya. “Emak akan rasa pahala tu...dan emak tahu umi sayang dia”, kata suami meyakinkan aku...

Sayang Buat Emak

Setiap penulisan saya di dalam blog ini adalah untuk mengingatkan diri saya sendiri, dan saya ingin kongsikan cetusan-cetusan tersebut kepada pembaca yang berkunjung, semoga manfaatnya dapat kita rasakan bersama.

Dan jika pembaca mendapat manfaat dari perkongsian saya, semoga Allah sampaikan pahala tersebut buat ibu saya, Allahyarhamah Supiah Bt Sario. Al-fatihah...(terima kasih saya ucapkan atas bacaan Al-fatihah yang disedekahkan. Semoga Allah membalasnya dengan seribu satu kebaikan, Amin)

..Semoga saya dapat terus menyayangi ibu..walau tidak dapat berjumpa...

Amin Ya Rabbal A’lamin

Mencari Khadijah

2009-11-29T02:12:00.000-08:00

Sudah hampir 2 tahun saya berkahwin, dan selama itu saya melatih diri sedikit demi sedikit untuk taat dan hormat pada suami walaupun pada awalnya memang sukar..mungkin kerana latar belakang kami yang berbeza. Suami belajar agama dari kecil hingga ke Al-Azhar, sedangkan saya 5 tahun menjadi orang muda di bumi US. Syukurlah suami memberi saya ruang dan peluang untuk membaiki diri..

Apabila saya sudah mampu untuk taat dan hormat pada suami, saya kira itu sudah cukup. Tapi saya silap besar!

Siti Aisyah dan Siti Khadijah r.a adalah antara isteri Rasullullah..yang tentunya taat dan hormat kepada Nabi s.a.w. Tapi kenapa Aisyah pernah mengatakan ini:

Aku tidak pernah merasa begitu cemburu kepada seorang wanita sepeti cemburuku kepada Khadijah. Aku memang benar-benar cemburu kepadanya. Aku tidak pernah melihatnya. Namun Rasullullah selalu saja menyebut-nyebut namanya. Dia pernah menyembelih seekor kambing, lalu memotong sebahagian dagingnya dan menghadiahkannya kepada sahabat-sahabat Khadijah.

Ya, Aisyah cemburukan Khadijah kerana Rasullulah menyintai Khadijah lebih dari menyintai Aisyah. Jika kedua-duanya taat dan hormat kepada Rasullullah, mengapa Khadijah lebih dicintai? Apa yang ada pada Khadijah sehingga dia begitu istimewa di hati Junjungan kita Nabi s.a.w?

Cinta yang benar-benar cinta

Pengorbanan! Itulah yang dimiliki Khadijah..iaitu cinta yang benar-benar cinta, sehingga Khadijah ikhlas berkorban untuk suaminya. Beliau telah menghabiskan seluruh hartanya demi menolong suami dalam tugasnya menyebarkan Islam. Sehingga dari status seorang jutawan beliau menjadi papa kedana!. Ya, seluruh hartanya habis..tapi tidak hilang.....malah diganti pula dengan status ketua wanita di syurga kelak! Dan di dunia beliau mendapat cinta yang benar-benar cinta dari Rasululluah! Mengapa begitu sekali? kerana cinta Khadijah terbukti di kala Nabi dalam kesusahan, sedangkan isteri-isteri Rasullullah yang lain termasuk Aisyah bersama dengan Nabi ketika syiar Islam sudah tersebar luas. Cinta mereka ada, tapi tidak setanding dengan cinta Khadijah.

Kita boleh mengatakan yang kita akan ‘senang sama senang, dan susah sama susah’...tapi sejauhmana kita boleh mengotakannya?

Atau......adakah kita lebih cenderung membataskan pengertian tanggungjawab kepada ‘Suami mencari nafkah’ manakala ‘isteri menguruskan rumah, anak-anak, dan taat serta hormat suami’ ..and when it comes to money, kita kata ‘Duit suami duit kita, duit kita duit kitala’

Benar...tapi begitukah Siti Khadijah?

Belajar Berkorban

Saya menginsafi kecetekan pemikiran diri. Saya telah sedar bahawa seorang isteri itu tidak cukup hanya taat dan hormat.

Sepertimana saya penah menanam keazaman untuk melatih diri taat dan hormat kepada suami, begitu juga kali ini saya berazam untuk belajar berkorban.

Berkorban seperti pengorbanan Siti Khadijah!

Malah kita memang dituntut untuk menghayati erti pengorbanan sempena Hari Raya Aidil Adha baru-baru ini. Tetapi cukupkan dengan hanya menghayati? Atau cukupkah berkorban dengan menumbangkan lembu dan kambing?

Apa pengorbanan kita?

Saya mengambil peluang ini untuk membetulkan diri, mematangkan pemikiran, dan meng-upgrade cinta saya pada suami. Saya ingin menjadi Siti Khadijah kepada suami saya, sebagai tanda syukur kepada Allah yang sentiasa membimbing saya melalui bimbingan suami, dan sebagai tanda cinta yang benar-benar cinta saya kepada suami. Semoga kasih sayang Allah sentiasa tercurah dan melimpah dalam rumahtangga kami.

Amin ya Rabbal A’lamin..

Mencari Khadijah

Tak mungkin saya dapat menjadi Khadijah kepada suami saya jika saya tidak mengenali Khadijah isteri Rasullullah. Untuk itu saya ke kedai buku mencari buku yang menceritakan kisah cinta dan rumahtangga Khadijah dengan Rasullullah s.a.w. Saya tertarik dengan buku penulisan Abdul Mun’im Muhammad Umar, bertajuk ‘Kisah Cinta Abadi Dua Insan Mulia - Khadijah Ummul Mukminin’...InsyaAllah saya akan menceritakan pengajaran yang saya perolehi dari pembacaan buku ini dalam penulisan akan datang..semoga kita sama-sama dapat berkongsi manfaatnya..

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha buat pembaca semua...

dan selamat menjadi Khadijah kepada suami masing-masing....

Menjadi Millionaire tanpa disedari

2009-11-23T22:19:00.000-08:00

Saya disahkan mengandung anak pertama pada Mac 2009 yang lalu. Perasaan saya? Tentunya gembira! Si comel pasti akan menceriakan hari-hari saya. Tetapi terus sahaja melintas di fikiran saya…list of new responsibilities: memandikan, mencebokkan (yang tak pernah saya lakukan) malah berjaga di tengah malam kerana dia tidak henti-henti menangis…....dan banyak lagi!

Normalnya begitu. Selain berasa gembira dengan kehadiran orang baru dalam keluarga, kita selalu associate kehadiran anak dengan tanggungjawab yang semakin bertambah, malah berbentuk bebanan pula.

Benarkah begitu?

Ya, kita biasa mengatakan anak itu nikmat dan rezeki dari Tuhan…tapi jarang kita melihat kehadiran anak sebagai satu peluang dariNya: peluang untuk kita membuat pahala. Bagaimana saya mengatakannya sebagai peluang, sedangkan kita tahu ‘jika anak membuat dosa kita turut sama menanggung dosanya’ (Oh, beban lagi!) …..Nanti dulu, pemikiran kita hanya sehala…..

Pemikiran Yang Seharusnya

Bagaimana pula jika kita melihat begini: ‘jika anak membuat pahala kita turut sama menanggung pahalanya!’ (saya hanya replace perkataan ‘dosa’ dalam ayat tadi dengan ‘pahala’..…hasilnya menarik bukan?)

Saya beri contoh: mengajar dan mendidik anak untuk bersolat. Kita tahu ia tanggungjawab kita sebagai ibu bapa. Tapi pernahkan kita terfikir akan mendapat pahala setiap kali anak bersolat hasil didikan kita? Setiap ilmu bermanfaat yang disebarkan (ilmu apa saja dan kepada sesiapa saja, termasuk mengajar solat kepada anak kita sendiri), kita sebenarnya melabur saham pahala yang berterusan dan tidak putus ganjarannya walaupun sudah meninggal dunia. Cuba kita kira berapa kali anak akan bersolat sepanjang hidupnya..kemudian darab pula dengan jumlah anak yang ada..terus gandakan dengan bilangan cucu (kerana dari didikan kita kepada anak-anak, mereka akan menyebarkannya kepada cucu kita pula)…cicit…dan seterusnya..(itu baru solat, belum lagi membaca Al-Quran, menghormati orang tua dan lain-lainnya)

Wow! Kita untung berlipat kali ganda!

Kalau pahala itu berbentuk duit, kita dah jadi Millionaire!

Oh, bukan itu saja…. Malah doa anak yang soleh juga menjadi saham akhirat yang berterusan kepada kita, sama seperti ilmu yang bermanfaat tadi. Pendek kata, anak menjadi ‘lubuk pahala’ (sudah tentu jika betul caranya!)

Teringat kata-kata suami saya, saham pahala sebegini amat penting, kerana ia satu-satunya ‘currency’ yang valid pada hari kita bertemu Allah nanti….. bukan dollar, bukan pound sterling apatah lagi ringgit Malaysia!

Hmm…mungkin kita perlu nilai kembali pemikiran kita…

Blog sebagai sumber pahala?

2009-11-23T21:59:00.000-08:00

Saya sedang membaca sebuah buku bertajuk ‘Seni Mendidik Anak’ oleh Syaikh Muhammad Said Mursi, apabila saya terbaca sebuah hadith:

Apabila anak Adam meninggal, maka terputuslah segala amalnya kecuali tiga
perkara: shadaqah jariyah, ilmu yang bermanfaat, anak yang soleh yang mendoakan. Hadits Riwayat Muslim

Saya selalu mendengar hadith ni, malah sudah seakan melekat di ingatan, tapi tidak pernah benar-benar menghargai apa yang boleh dimanfaatkan darinya. Padahal, pengajaran hadith itulah yang sebenarnya dapat menolong saya menambah pahala sesudah meninggal kelak, bila mana kita tiada lagi peluang untuk berbuat baik dan beribadat untuk selama-lamanya.

Ya, tiada peluang langsung! Kecuali melalui 3 perkara tersebut:

Bersedekah,
ilmu yang bermanfaat,
doa anak yang soleh.

Alhamdulillah, kali ini saya terdorong untuk merebut peluang ini. Peluang agar masih ada ‘sumber menjana pahala yang berterusan’ selepas saya meninggal nanti.

Kemudian saya bertanya kepada suami, bagaimana ilmu yang bermanfaat dapat menjadi pahala yang berterusan?

Suami menjawab,

Apabila kita mengajar kepada orang satu ilmu yang bermanfaat, dan orang itu
mengamalkan ilmu tersebut serta mendapat kebaikan, malah menjadi lebih baik
dengannya, sebenarnya ada saham pahala untuk dia dan kita..... semakin tersebar
ilmu tersebut, semakin tinggi saham kita, malah ia berterusan selepas kita
meninggal saaampai hari kiamat.

Oh, ini satu peluang keemasan!

Menulis untuk berkongsi manfaat

Kerana itu saya terdorong untuk menulis di blog ini. Saya akan berkongsi di sini ilmu, pengalaman dan pengajaran yang saya perolehi dari kehidupan seharian. Selalunya ia perkara yang simple sahaja….tapi dilihat dari sudut pandang yang berbeza dari kebiasaannya. Semoga ia dapat memberi manfaat kepada pengunjung blog ini selain mengingatkan diri saya sendiri…….Saya bukanlah seorang yang pakar, apatah lagi seorang yang sempurna, tapi saya ingin berkongsi walau sekecil-kecil pengajaran kepada pembaca semua. Semoga ia dapat menjadi saham pahala yang berterusan untuk saya, dan semoga kunjungan pembaca ke blog yang sederhana ini tidak sia-sia.

Amin Ya Robbal A’lamin